Monday, December 10, 2012

The L Word

I have been besieged with questions, conversations and thoughts about the L word over the weekend so I took it as a sign for a post. 
No not THAT L Word, the L word known as love... 

A friend asked me when is the right time to say "I love you" to someone. She has been seeing a guy for a little over a year and they've never said it to one another. I asked her if she loved him and she said yes. But she said that she was waiting for him to say it first.

My advice to her? Tell him.

Now now, before you hit me with the "I wouldn't do that" and "She needs to wait until he tells her first" hear me out. 

I believe that if you love someone you can't help but to tell them. It wants to come spilling out of your mouth whenever you talk to them no matter what the subject is.

Him: Hey, do you know where my blue shirt is?
Her: I love you.
Him: Ok. But have you seen my shirt?

But that feeling. That feeling of security that comes with being in love, when someone sees you at your worst but accepts you anyway. When you share your vulnerabilities and fears and the person lets you know that they have your back. When you think of someone else before you think of yourself. They help you become a better you. That's love.
If you love someone you are saying it because you want them to know how you feel, not because you need them to say it back.

I used to use the L Word a lot more freely in my younger years. I gave it to those who didn't deserve it, those who who misused it and a few who cherished it. But experience has made me wary. I don't want to waste my love and "I love you"s on someone who isn't worthy of it. But when I do love, I love hard.

Here is what President Grant told Olivia Pope on Scandal.
(If you are not watching Scandal you are dead to me.):

“I love you. I’m in love with you. You’re the love of my life. My every feeling is controlled by the look on your face. I can’t breathe without you. I can’t sleep without you. I wait for you. I watch for you. I exist for you.”
Now THAT'S what I'm tawking bout! There is no pride when it comes to love.

Sweater: H&M
Button down: Thrifted
Pants: J.C. Penney
Shoes: BCBG

So, do you agree or disagree? Who says it first? Do you wait on him/her or is it just whoever feels it first? Are you scared to say those three little words? And if so, what's holding you back?


BeautyStyleGrowth said...

Love the Blue and Green together.
k at

Inez| Style Chic 360 said...

That line from Scandal was banana's whoa!

Life is too short not to just let it be known.

Chioma said...

first of all, you look gorgeous and you're rocking Emerald like the blazer i'm wearing in today's post! and second of all, I totally agree with you,though I didn't tell my now fiance i love you first, if he hadn't beaten me to it, it would have come bursting out soon! Girl when he told Olivia that line, I teared up and then clapped! lol. that's that real love!

C's Evolution of Style

Ticka said...

10 years ago, I would have sreamed, "Oh hell no!! She needs to wait for him to say it first!!"

Today, I am 10 years wiser, and agree with you completely. The more I see people come in and out of my life and others lives as well, the more I understand the importance of letting people know how you feel about them. Love most importantly. Do it. And without regret or expectation.

Juanette said...

Yes Ticka! "Love most importantly" I want it on a tee shirt!

juliette said...

I totally agree! That said, it seems that married men (or men otherwise involved) see to have an easy time with the pretty words for people who are not their wife (or significant other) Fitz being a perfect example. I lOVE Scandal, don't get me wrong, but Fitz drives me crazy and Olivia does too for falling for it. Love is also an action, not just words....

melissa ward said...

Nice !!!

keiranzma said...

I told my husband first. I didn't GAF, I couldn't hold it in any longer. *Kanye shrug*
If he didn't reciprocate, oh well.
But he did. Life is too short to play games. And I am loving the outfit!

Sewtellme said...

This line (If you are not watching Scandal you are dead to me) made the whole post! I feel you have to let people know what's in your heart for YOU. After a year, it's about darn time to know if he doesn't love you back.

Unknown said...

I think hearing the words is great, but Love is an action. The words should reinforce the action. You can feel loved, even if it's not stated verbally. Are his actions consistent? Like, I don't need my mom or my BFF to tell me they love me. It's understood because they show it in every way possible. If he was saying it everyday, but treated her like crap...does it mean he really loves her? Awesome post, J!

Nikki said...

LOL!! (You are dead to me)
Love! Love! Love that show!

I would say it first. My heart would not let me keep it inside.

Chilel said...

I love me some scandal and the luv declaration of President Grant. Those two are killing me every week with their on again, off again luv affair. Anyway, you are right: when you feel it, say it! Do not need to wait.
And your sweater is so adorable....

Huda said...

To me love is beyond cheap words thrown around. Love is about how someone treats you, the acceptance and complete support a loved one gives you, the sense of security you feel in their presence. So, I say if you want to declare it verbally, go ahead, its about how you feel and the joy in celebrating such emotion, whether he says it back or not.

Now on to fashion love those skinny pants.



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