Wednesday, May 09, 2012

In The Fashionista's Closet: Lemons and Swag

My lemon pants are in honor of someone leaving a sour taste in my mouth. (But I love these pants!) Let's say I met a guy when I was leaving Target. Let's say the guy asked for my number and I gave it. We have never gone out because there has been something not quite right about him and I learned the lesson to go with my gut in situations like this. Remember Job Fair dude? Anway, Target Guy called and here are snippets of our conversations:

Earrings: Can't remember but I love them
Linen top: Thrifted
Pants: Thrifted (I <3 these pants)
Bracelets: Forever 21, Sam Moon
Bag: Prada
Shoes: Steven by Steve Madden

Him: So what do you do?
Me: I'm a teacher.
Him: Oh, ok. I'm the vice-president at a bank.
Me: *silence*

Him: Yeah, I told my cousin about you. I told him that you had swag.

Hold up, hold up, HOLD UP! What person over thirty years old is using the word swag seriously in a conversation? My students say swag and mean it. With them, everything is about somebody having swag, not having swag and being swaggerific. *Come on, son.*

He told me during one conversation that he really wanted to see me because he wore a suit to work and wanted me to see his swag.

AGAIN with the swag??? And if you are the vice-president of a bank, shouldn't you wearing a suit be an everyday kinda thing? I PRO-MISE you I was looking at my phone thinking, "I ain't about this life."

I believe that he may be a teller or works at Ace Check Cashing but he's no vice-president. Not that there's anything wrong with that but there's no need to lie.
He has asked me to send him a photo of myself. ( I think he's the type to show a photo around and tell dudes, "Yeah, that's me right there." And it is not.

But the kicker was yesterday. He sent me a text message after we got off the phone asking me what was my favorite shoe and shoe size.

*Drops the mic and walks away*

*Takes a bow.*

*You're welcome.*

Sir. You buying shoes for women? No flowers or candy, you coming up off monies to buy shoes??? You don't even know my last name. We've never even gone out! Do you think that this is an episode of Real Housewives or Basketball Wives?  But what I really want to know is WHO is this working on??? Next he's gonna wanna take me to Red Lobster with the cheddar biscuits. Game recognize game, sir. And you looking kinda unfamiliar right now. (See Boondocks clip below.)

This means that your game is wack, sir. He definitely needs to have a "Conversation with Chris!"

On a sidenote, I am rather pleased with other aspects of my personal life right now...


Sing said...

LOL Have him send the shoes to a P.O. box and keep it moving.
Cute pants, great find.

Jamie @ Rural Glamour said...

Oh Gah.:/ Now my mouth is sour. lol! Who has he been dealing with that you buy someone shoes before a date?

Carsedra said...

Really cute outfit, I love the floral pants and those sandals!!

OH WOW!! Was it like that, really!?!?! Dude was funty.....HA!

Carsedra of:

Ticka said...

When he said swag, I thought... ok, so he's stuck thinking that word still works, or maybe he's trying to seem young and "with it", so I let that go. Then he asked for a picture, the taste in my mouth got a little tangy. Then he asked for your shoe size?!?! The taste instantly went to sour!

I'm sure it works on a certain type of chick. But what about you, or your conversations told him that was a good idea? I swear! Men! Sometimes they are just clueless.

OAN: I'm kind of swooning over how you accessorized this look. The jewlery, the bag, the shoes! YES!!

Mrs. T. Mac. said...

LOL!!! The sad part about the shoe business is that he was probally not thinking Madden, Simpson or even Loubs...more on the lines of Jordan, Griffey or Lebrons. SMH!

Love the lemons girl!!!


donna dorrane said...

omg, how old is he, 10?!?!...i mean really...but

Anonymous said...

LMAO!!! he must be in your class cuz he is getting schooled over here (had to say that since you're a teacher, sorry)

GFS said...


Where do I start!?!?

First...I LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE those pants! They are everything! EVERYTHING! SO GOOD. TOtally rivals the ASOS/JCrew pants that are trending right now.

2nd. Can I fit those pants?
3rd. Lemme try them on.

4th. "You oughtta be mo careful who you pick up in grocery stores/Target" (from Waiting to Exhale"

5th. Dear Target Sir, Have a seat somewhere. Is your suit from Suit Mart? Is that why you want to be seen?

6th. The shoe size requests. #icant

This post literally had me giggling!!!

Jazmine Jade said...

I love this! Especially the pants!!!

Consider Me Lovely said...

This post made me laugh out loud so much, which I needed today!!

I love those pants. They're so perfect with the oversize top!!!!

sun-kissed said...

HI.LAR.I.OUS. Dude, really? Send him a pic, really? You need to see him in a suit, really? I am still laughing as I type this.
Girl, those pants, the outfit...yes!

I wanna be fierce said...

Wow! He was trying to hard. When will people learn that being yourself is quite alright. You don't have to come with the extra bells and whistles. But you killed me with "I ain't about this life". To funny. The pants are too cute btw.


Kim said...

Too Funny!!! FYI: Banks hand out VP titles like candy - you have to be a VP to process certain documents. This is also done in lieu of a raise. So, Swag Dude really COULD be a non-suit-wearing bank VP.

ShaBoogiesince1982 said...

Yuck. He sounds superbly lame. But, your outfit looks great!

MissKroberts said...

Ok, this post just made my day! The Pants are so cute! But your commentary to the conversation is hilarious and outshining them for the moment!

"I ain't about this life" had me in tears! So unexpected! Good thing you schooled him!

Tina Martin said...

LOLOL....I usually don't comment on posts, but this one had me rollin', especially after I watched the Boondocks clip! Shoes? Really?!? I'm a firm believer that if you have 'swag' you don't have to say it. It should be easily recognizable.

1x1000 said...

I'm ROLLING! LOL! But I think he might have asked your shoe size for a different reason than buying you a pair of shoes! He probably has a foot fetish! Yuck! KICK! to the curb!

Ms. Tee said...

Love the outfit! Yeah, clearly Target dude thought you were Evelyn and he's Chad and you'd marry him if he buys you shoes..swag, though?? He needs to grow up!

Miss Moon the Brooklyn Geechee said...

" I PRO-MISE you I was looking at my phone thinking, "I ain't about this life." This comment right here?!? This comment?!? I passed out from it... and the talk about Red Lobster Cheddar Biscuits and "The Boondocks" clip?!? I saw the white light and was chilling with Carol Anne and 'nem for a good minute!!! Fortunately Tangina told me to come back just so I can tell you that those pants would make me sing like Carmen Miranda every day!!!!! :::singing:: The lady in the Tutti Frutti pants!! LOL

BESOS LYNN said...

Can I borrow those pants, because now I have a sour taste in my mouth too! What is wrong with these men, really! What's a girl (woman) to do, with such a poor selection???

Moni @ CL Journal said...

"I believe that he may be a teller or works at Ace Check Cashing but he's no vice-president."


I can't mess with you Juanette, I just CAN'T.

LMAO! Bye!

Gorgeous_Puddin said...


Chioma said...

Love the pants and top! Gotta love great thrifts :) Your story is hilarious! he had to be joking hahaha!


Kyla said...

That. Is. Awesome. As are those pants. And really the whole damn outfit.

Key said...

Yellow and Heather 2 love LOVE this look!

Nic said...

hilarious story!!!! LMBO!!! you do have swag tho, lol! ;-)

LOVE the pants and how you styled them.




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