Sunday, July 15, 2012

I Ain't Here For That

I was reading Awesomely Luvvie's blog (and laughing hysterically of course, if you don't know her, check her out) and she wrote 5 Things She Wasn't Here For based on Steen's Tumblr post so I thought I'd tell yall 5 Things I'm Not Here For too.
(I've wanted these shoes ever since I pinned them on Pinterest.)


1. Exes - Remember my poignant story about the ex-boyfriend who apologized for not realizing what a catch I was when he had me? Well, he ended up saying some not so nice things to me (after trying to hook up with me repeatedly before that) so I had to unfriend his ignant ass on Facebook. (Yes I cursed and yes I said ignant, but it was warranted, I promise.) I really wanted to curse him out but I'm trying to be reformed yall and not go o-f-f! But I did think about it....
NOW I remember so well why we broke up.
(That's why we have reminders, people.)


2. Buying cell phones - I am NOT here for buying cell phones. I think that it is such a racket. I am the Queen of Not Upgrading, I seriously think that I have the first generation iPod, it still works so I use it. (No touch screen or nothing!) I enjoy the perks of technology but I don't want to pay (full price) for it! I  inquired about a new cell phone the other day and the woman told me that for $199 down and $20 a month I could upgrade to the Samsung S III. "I'm sorry, I must have misunderstood you maam...did you say $200 DOWN? How much is the phone? $600???? You've got me bent!"
(Do people still say that? Yall know I like to stay current.)
Does the phone also function as a hotplate and sex toy? Because other than that I can't see me paying that amount of money for a phone that will last a couple of years.


3. Spanx in the summer - Just the thought of wearing Spanx in this heat made me start to hyperventilate. Three summers ago I had taken a "hiatus" from working out (I was going through some thangs) so I weighed about 10 to 12 pounds more than I do now. I remember going on a movie date and wearing Spanx underneath my maxi dress to prevent booty jiggl-age. Halfway through the movie I went to the bathroom and took those suckers off and stuffed them in my purse. Now my booty is just gonna have to jiggle, I would rather have that than me passed out from heatstroke. Plus dudes like junk in the trunk, so let'em see what you're working with! (Except at church. Act right.)

4. Palm Readers - The last time that I was in the thrift store (where I found the dress that I'm wearing in this post) a woman made eye contact with me and said hello. I responded to her and she asked if she could read my palm. I told her that I didn't have any cash and she said that she would do it for free but maybe I could come visit her at her palm reading establishment. So I showed her my palm and she said that she saw that I hadn't been sleeping well. That was true except for the night before, I had awesome sleep that night. But I had just told my mom the week before that I hadn't been sleeping well so I gave her a pass for being somewhat right. Then she said that I needed to go to church more....maam...you could say that to anyone and they would agree with you unless they're the preacher's wife. She then said that I find it hard to trust people in relationships. Ummmm kaaaayyy, again, I think that could apply to a whole lotta people. Then she said, "People are jealous of you." THAT I believed! Just kidding, again applicable to anybody....I wanted to tell her that she was never gonna make any money this way and she should learn another trade but palm reading might be a lucrative business for all I know... Either way I ain't here for that...

5. People at the gym - I have upped my workouts this summer so I have been visiting the gym regularly during the day but I'm convinced that people who go to the gym during the day are lunatics. There's the super-exerciser who is constantly moving frantically in the classes like they're on crystal meth, the overexposed women with the see through workout pants (last count was 3), and the rhythmless people who always INSIST on being in the front of the class who are always a beat off from the music (sometimes they are also the super-exercisers.) I find myself laughing at my expression in the mirror when these things occur...
Earrings: Aldo
Dress: Thrifted
Sunglasses: Pitaya
Bracelets: InPink/Forever 21
Shoes: Jessica Simpson

So tell me good people, what things are YOU not here for? Can you relate to any of mine?

This sign was at the mall for a Dallas Cowboy autograph signing so I took advantage of the opportunity to have a little fun:

NEXT!

20 comments:

Ticka said...

Gurl bye!! I thought I was here for Spanx in the summertime, but quickly realized that the jiggle was just gonna have to do what it do!

You are looking too fly in that blue dress! Love that color on you!

I'm not here for fools who holler out of their car windows to talk to you while they're driving down the street. Um sir, please knock it off. And what fool is responding to this mess & making them think it's ok to continue?!? Ugh!

Pretty Dark Girl Style said...

This post made me really laugh out loud, I'm loving your blue dress and those shoes are killing em! You look fabulous, I'm with you on most of yours... Except the the need for new electronics I'm a bit of a tech geek haha...

Tammie said...

I'm not here for automated voice prompts when I'm trying to pay a bill...and they've gotten hip to people just pressing zero to talk to someone...
I love this outfit! You find the cutest stuff at the thrift store and I love how those shoes pop ut against the dress...

Inez said...

LOL, this post made me laugh ALOT! You are hilarious.

I can definitely relate to a bunch of this! Love your blue dress!

I'm not here for
Guys approaching my friend in an attempt to approach me. Man up!

L said...

I ain't here for exes. They're exes for a reason. I'm also not here for spanx (or in my case, Fanx-fake spanx) in the summer...but I'm also not here for my thighs making love in this heat.

I AM here for that blue dress tho!

Nic said...

i LOVE your candid writing bc i literally just laughed out loud reading this! i LOVE the list...and i agree, i am NOT one for spanx either in the summer. its too hot for that nonsense!

LOVE your outfit (yay for thrifitng) and you look great in it :-)

~nic
www.nics-picks.com

GFS said...

You already know I'm not here for cell phones! And why was I shaking my head at #1 like you can see me! That dress is goooood! *in my Wendy Williams voice*

GFS said...

Oh....

1. I ain't here for people giving backhanded compliments.
2. I ain't here for Grown Women SUCKING THEIR.....in church!!!!! True story!!!! Had her hair layed! Cute shoes! And openly sucking her thumb! Andddddd then she got up to get special prayer!
3. I ain't here for her friends sitting next the lady in#2 who acted like it was okay!!!!!

Hope Grant said...

I am definitely planning on added a I AIN'T HERE FOR... because chile I ain't here for alot of stuff!!

I visited this blog and this lady cracks me up!!

Nikkipooh said...

JB you just posted this cause you were all up in my head boo! I certainly don't have time for bullish from the ex! Miss me with all that ish! I am trying to stay in a calm state since I am writing this week:)Those ugly phone calls are a constant reminder of why YOU are an ex! Then you got blocked! #POW and you don't even know it! Love it!
Uhm cell phones- why have I had to replace two or three in the last year? Port stopped working, dropped in water...........sick of blackberry had to move on to Evo, but $99 was my limit! Payment plan on a phone, is you serious and yes I said is! I am an English major, have multiple degrees and yes I know better, but.......... lmao!

I ain't here for folks begging for ish, whether its a ride, some money, whatever! Get yo' own ish!

I ain't here for folks pretending to be ish they are not! Be you and do you!

I ain't here for this hot arse weather here in the A either, lol!!!!

Why do I come over here and get side tracked from the work I need to be doing? Damn it JB! lol I live through your blog, lol!

Nikkipooh said...

Oh and thanks alot for giving me yet ANOTHER blogger to visit:) And oh you giving autographs now! I see ya! lol

DeniseL said...

Ok, usually a stalker of your blog, which I adore :) But have to jump in on the phone subject. What is wrong with a society that spends that much on phones?! You can feed peole for $600. Lots of people. Every once in a while I get the urge for a new phone, but not for 600-freaking-dollars. Heck, not even for $200. I'll keep my "dumb" phone, thank you very much.

High Heels & Good Meals! said...

You are a trip LOL! Number 1 made me lol for real! I'm not here for rude and inconsiderate people, this hot weather, and my electric bill because of it. You look great in this blue honey!

ari said...

LORDY I cannot even begin to tell you how happy I am that I discovered your blog! Not only are you fashionable but every post makes me crack up like crazy! You are hilarious!

I am not here for this wishy washy LA summer weather and these chicks wearing mini skirts only to be pulling them down every 5 minutes! Buy a skirt that fits ma'am!

Love the shoes by the way!

Sing said...

Those shoes are hotness. I still have a phone with buttons that is not a smartphone and I'm just fine with it.

kt said...

lovely dress

Moya2bean said...

You look stunning!
My mouth dropped when I saw this outfit! You look amazing! And those shoes are out of this world girlie! Great post!
Wurk!

chunkyfunkymonkeyz.blogspot.com

YoyosFashions said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
YoyosFashions said...

Love this look everything about it!! I have those earrings and shoes in blue. Loving your blog!! I will be following you love your style. Thanks for checking me out!!

Candice said...

I am a newbie to your blog, but I have to say you are fierce!!

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