Article via The Gloss
Warning: These Tights Are Not Cute
There’s nothing quite like walking to work, sleep still in your eyes, interpretation of last night’s dream still in your head, coffee in your hand when you’re rudely awaken from your fuzzy state by a dimpled ass thinly veiled in tights or leggings worn as pants.
At first you cringe and scowl. Then, if you don’t hurl into the nearest public garbage can, you text a friend to mock the sorry specimen. Just because Lindsay Lohan lives in them, doesn’t make them proper attire for you. Lohan also drunkenly falls into a wide variety of Southern Californian cacti four or five times a night…you gonna do that, too?
So when it came to my attention that American Apparel was now putting: “WARNING THESE TIGHTS ARE NOT PANTS” on their tights, I was both relieved and bewildered.
Relieved – because there’s a percentage of women out there who don’t thoroughly examine their ass in a mirror before leaving the house and walk out into the world scarring the rest of us with their cottage cheese explosions. Hey, I know I don’t have Kate Hudson’s luscious behind, so why subject innocent bystanders to my less-than-par booty?
However, I was bewildered because it’s American Apparel, a company that prides itself on overt sexuality. Women and men in barely-there get-ups are always plastered all over the largest buildings in every major city. This is also the same company that just conducted a search and subsequent contest for “The Best Bottoms in the World,” and whose President and CEO is none other than the controversial Dov Charney (we could get into the sexual harassment lawsuits against him, but none were proven, and we’re talking tights here).
So why the “warning” on American Apparel tights all of sudden? I’ve got one word: sarcasm. Charney wants his customers to see the warning, shrug, and pull those tights on without any qualms as to the negative effects they’re having on the rest of us, and torture the world around them. Granted, I don’t have any scientific proof, but it does seem to make sense in this gal’s mind. In other words, Charney wants to take on the world one ass at a time, and it’s our responsibility to stop him! Warnings exist for a reason, people, sarcastic or not. So do us a favor and don’t wear tights as pants, and don’t let your friends wear tights as pants…instead, wear them with the shortest skirt in your closet, like the lady you are.