Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Please Don't Kill My Vibe


My phone rang. I looked down at it and couldn't stop smiling as I saw the name "Mike" pop up on my screen. Awesome possum! I thought as I answered it. "Hey babe, what's good?" he asked as I tried to make my voice sound regular and not like I was cheesing oh-so-hard.

(Took my hair down and got new glasses. Time for a change. I like it.)

"Nothing much, running errands" I answered back nonchalantly but doing the happy dance in the aisle at Target. We talked for a couple minutes more and he promised to call me back later that evening. I ran the rest of my errands and called my sister to tell her about my trip to NYC and the guy that I met while I was there. I will normally wait before I disclose any info to my friends or family since they have a tendency to get excited and I like to make sure that someone is gonna be around for a bit. But I got a good feeling about this dude. He worked at the hotel where we were staying and we met briefly  the afternoon of my shoot. That night, after the big-as-a-cat rat incident, I went into the hotel bar and he was there and came over and we chatted. His phone rang while we were talking and his Jay-Z ringtone began to play. Shut.the.front.door. Shut it all the way!!!!!! I told him "We are officially friends now." Now I know what you're thinking, a Jay-Z ringtone does not a suitable suitor make. But it doesn't hurt. So I continued to talk to him, found out he lived in Brooklyn (ummm hmmmmm) and did I mention that he was tall? Ok, I'm just mentioning that.

 We exchanged information and he walked me to the elevator and gave me a hug as I went upstairs to my room. I told Sonya about the nice guy I met, sent Reiko a quick text about the Jay-Z coincidence and watched "Poetic Justice" until I fell asleep.

Fast forward a week  later. Mike has called daily, he texts me a morning greeting and then will call once I respond so that we can have a conversation. What the what?!? Yep, he calls on the phone yall! I ask if he is married or has a girlfriend, he says he's single, two years older than me with a 15 year old daughter. Check, check and I can deal with that. So at this point I'm feeling pretty hopeful, thinking the planets have aligned, all of the crazy dates and dudes who are playing games are a distant memory. He asks about visiting Texas, looking up flights while we're on the phone and asking when school starts for me so that he can come before then. Aggressive. I can dig it.
 (Wearing Warby Parker glasses, earrings from a store that I can't remember; 
Thrifted top; old Levi's cutoffs; Target sandals; Prada bag)

My phone rings. Blocked number. I answer it, no one says anything. Second call. Blocked number again. No response. I say to the caller "If you are calling me then you obviously want something. Please stop being childish and immature and say whatever it is that you want or stop calling my phone." They hang up. Third call. "Do you know *Mike Henry?" the voice asks. "Yes I do," I reply, my heart sinking."Well this is his wife. Did he tell you he was married?" 

"No. No he didn't."

So during the conversation I tell the wife the lies that Mike has told me and she is periodically yelling that he wants to live the single life and that if he wants to live that life then he is going to lose his family. I got the impression that this was not the first time that he's done this or the first time that she's made this type of call. She tells me that they are supposed to go to Jamaica that weekend. I tell her that he told me that it was a guy's trip and that he would keep in touch with me while he was there. I tell wife that I didn't know about her and she apologizes to me and needless to say, dude has been busted.

He does not respond when I text him that he will reap what he has sown, that he is a poor example of a man for his daughter and that if he doesn't like being married that doesn't mean that he gets other people caught up in his games. 

I tell Stephen, my New York guardian angel about the sad and stupid situation and he asks for the guy's name and he's furious. He tells me that he'll take care of it. Fast forward to a couple of hours later and Stephen calls me back. He says that he has gone to the hotel and talked to the manager about the whole sordid tale of Miscreant Mike and his Woeful Wife. The manager tells Stephen that employees are not supposed to fraternize with guests at the hotel and that if I want to file a formal complaint that Mike would be terminated. Stephen asks what I will do. I was resigned to the situation at first, telling myself suck it up and move on Juanette. But I get so tired of men getting to do whatever it is that they want to do and they never lose anything. You can lie and cheat and still have your wife, girlfriend, or baby mama and pay no mind to the collateral damage that you leave behind. To the hurt feelings and loss of possibility that the women they mislead are left with. By not telling me he was married, he took away my choice to make a decision.


I talked it over with a couple of people and they advised me to let it go or reminded me that he has a family to take care of. I respond that he wasn't thinking about his family when he was calling and lying but now it's supposed to be important to me?

My personal deadline was yesterday on making a decision. I didn't file the complaint. Not because I care about him, his job or his family. But I care about me. I don't know what his plan was and how long he thought he could get away with this but some people never get the lesson and we have to leave them where they are. But I won't be bitter, I won't give him anymore space in my head, I choose to move on. I've decided that he is obviously unhappy and damaged goods or he wouldn't be doing the things that he's doing and losing his job might be the catalyst needed for his wife to leave him. 

Let her stay, serves him right.

Note:
*No names have been changed to protect the guilty*

Being Different like 2 Chainz is hard ass work.....

37 comments:

Chastity Valentine said...

Ive been there before...#sigh. The silver lining is that ur not the woman who has to run up behind him checking his cell phone.

Chilel said...

this is sad example of what men are today. If you want to get every skirt you see, then be man enough to stay single. No one forces you into marriage. So why do it and then cheat. I am sorry you had such bad encounter but do remember that all men are not that bad. I love your hairstyle btw...

Regina Fletcher said...

Sad thing, like you said, this is probably not this first time his wife has had to deal with this and it won't be the last. What the hell is wrong with these men? I decided to ride solo cause I'm tired of liers cheaters and users. I know "they" say there are good men out there but they are on the endangered species list cause its a rarity to spot one! But I digress, at least you look fabulous!

Zara Willis said...

What Chastity said. God has a plan for us all and part of the plan is that you will be okay.

Style Chic 360 said...

I can totally relate and have always wondered why guys are able to get away with this and like you said "pay no mind to the collateral damage that you leave behind".

Like Chastity said though at least your not that woman.

Its hard though, I've been single for a while now and it's getting old fast, trying not to lose faith.

antonia said...

whoa. just whoa. smh. unfortunately if it's too good to be true, it probably is.

Bajan Beauty said...

Wow, I started reading this post and was getting excited that you were getting your LIFE in NYC. I knew it was a wrap as soon as you said you were getting calls from a blocked number. I can only imagine how many times he has done that to other women he has met at work. He has the opportunity to meet new women everyday, smh. Sorry that happen to you. Being single can be draining sometimes!

Serenity Love Sincere Peace Earth said...

You should have filed that complaint. He won't stop until he experiences loss. His wife isn't going to leave him. He will do this again because he knows women will feel just as you felt. You don't owe that man, his wife, or kids any damn thing.

Anaya Amani said...

You did the right thing. I was "that wife" for almost 10 years. I got tired of confronting & forfeited with 4am phone calls to ALL of his "friends"!
I've been happily divorced for 13 years!

I gotta ask... What color is the lipstick you are wearing in your pics?

Ticka said...

Excuse me for a minute while I act less than lady-like... Lucky for him, it's not 15 years ago and I got some sense!! We would be up in NY looking for him! Ain't nobody got time for dat! Ok, I'm done.

You look super cute! Like the hair and the colors in that top are awesome against your skin :)

Me: said...

Whoa! Juanette, I absolutely love your blog and i usually skip the comment section, but this post!!!!!!!! Girl you've got me SMH....and then some. "By not telling me he was married, he took away my choice to make a decision." <<------ This right here is what many don't & will probably never understand. YOu dealt with it w/ grace. I can't imagine with the 'wife' has to go through. Love the top.

Simplybee said...

ohhh...cuzin...just tell me the hotel and I swear I will get Pookie & them to tear his ass up! I just cant get with these folks and their mind games!!! Glad you can still smile...dealing with the bull crap! I believe in LOVE...I crave it...but I pray every nite that I dont have to cut someone is the process for playing dog gone games! 2CHAINZ WE TRYIN BOO!!

Tammie said...

Thank you for sharing! Know that I can relate to meeting someone and then something going wrong. Love the new look BTW!

Miesha Roshawn said...

I had got all excited!!! NO WORDS!

YoyosFashions said...

Sorry that happen to you. Some men are something else. Sorry ass let her have that madness. I have a friend same thing happen to her. Btw love you top! Your hair is fabulous as always!!

lalaG said...

i feel like we need to hug this out and have a cocktail.

Ms. Tee said...

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I have dealt with a liar or three in my lifetime, and I agree that those cowards take away our choice to make a decision when they conveniently leave out pieces of information. Only you know if you,made the right decision by not filing the complaint. Either way, we know karma, good or bad, is always on the warpath, and he will get his in due time...

Anyway, you stay fabulous and faithful, and you know the right one will come along when the time is right! I LOVE that top! I am diggin the new specs and I missed seeing your hair!

Nikki said...

Girla!
I have been there and it was not pretty. Keep your head up!

Sunny LouisvilleSlugger said...

God bless, I was so hyped up at first read, that I really didn't expect it to take a turn!

I'm so sorry you had to endure this. I hate a lying arse. I went through plenty myself.

Trade India said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Whitney James said...

Smh...such a shame! Well, at least you found out before things got TOO serious. Been there myself...not cool. But keep your head up & don't let go of your faith!

On the flip side, your hair and outfit....FABULOUS!!

XO :-)

~Whitney
www.whitneynicjames.com

Juanette said...

Thanks ladies, I really appreciate all of the comments. @Anaya Amani I mixed two lip colors, NYC the hot pinks (Target) and NX 24k gold from a random beauty supply.

Carsedra McKoy said...

Really look, love that top!!!

Wow, just wow!! Crazy situation, SMH at him for lying and taking advantage of you. But it's a good thing you found out sooner than later. Some people, just don't care......they don't care about how their actions can affect people in their life. So sorry you had to go through that!!



Carsedra of:
http://www.embracingtherealme.com/
http://sweets4yourtooth.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

Lady, you are fly and fierce. Pack the hurt away and live your life in full color - just like you're doing now (from what I can tell)...

Rachel Lynne said...

Girl I LOVE your hair this way! It is fantastic! Love your glasses too! They are amazing!

mychicstyle said...

I just love reading your stories. I am so tired of weak men. You made the right decision.

Marie Young said...

Those sandals though.... #NEED

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