Tuesday, April 03, 2012

Self Reflection

I found this via The Quickening's Tumblr. Loves her. The original article is from Relevant Magazine. This struck me:

"Ask yourself some good questions like: “Am I proud of the life I’m living? What have I tried this month? … Do the people I’m spending time with give me life, or make me feel small? Is there any brokenness in my life that’s keeping me from moving forward?”

"Now is your time. Walk closely with people you love, and with people who believe … life is a grand adventure. Don’t get stuck in the past, and don’t try to fast-forward yourself into a future you haven’t yet earned. Give today all the love and intensity and courage you can, and keep traveling honestly along life’s path."

I just bought the May issue of O Magazine with the photo of Oprah now and her 21 year old self. I haven't even opened the issue yet but I began thinking about my 21 year old self. How I was so carefree in my attitude about allowing love in my life, showing love and being in love.
I loved hard. With intensity. Without reservation.

I want her back. That optimist who thought that all you had to do was love someone and they would do right by you. Who loved boldly and proudly. Who believed that love "bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

I realize that I have been so afraid of being hurt from my past that I have loved half-heartedly. I have loved  with mistrust, with regret, and with fear. Instead of believing someone was too good to be true, I would think "What's wrong with him?" Instead of trusting someone to lead, I wanted to plan the route. I was angry at my past so I took it out on my present.

But I am ready. To forgo my past. To fulfill my future. To relish the present.

17 comments:

Trina a.k.a. Me So Hongry... said...

Love it! Made me say hmmmmm...

Ticka said...

It can be so hard to open up and let someone in. Fear is a powerful thing. I'm happy that you are working on letting that go.

And... I love your hair. I don't think I can say that enough. =D

http://ticka-spoonfullofsugar.blogspot.com/

Miss Ann said...

Wow.... I am so happy you shared this post. Love it!

Moni @ CL Journal said...

"I want her back. That optimist who thought that all you had to do was love someone and they would do right by you. Who loved boldly and proudly. Who believed that love "bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

---Preaching to the choir right here!!! I can COMPLETELY relate to this statement!

meka said...

I needed to read this today. I broke with my now ex-boyfriend 8 days ago and can understand "loving with fear.". Not a great place to be.

Thanks for posting this.

Kellie Roberts said...

I love this post! *I was going to insert a period after each of those words for emphasis, but I know you're a teacher and that probably would have made your gears grind. LOL.

This right here "Instead of believing someone was too good to be true, I would think "What's wrong with him?"
I messed up, what I truly believe could have been the best relationship of my life thinking this way. I so regret not giving my all to him. I too, was just thinking this morning, of how I wished I could be open and love the way that I used to, again.

Great post!!

Dee said...

I could've written this post myself...love it.

Sing said...

Nice message, wish you the best on your positive journey.

Bahati Belle said...

Where is your offering plate!! Thank You for this....so need to check out my own mind because I am in quick sand in the dark. Thank You again. I have your offering for you! ha!!

L said...

I can relate to this sooo much. Thanks.

ElleX said...

This so resonated with me! Thank you for posting this.

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