Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Leap of Faith

I have been described as animated, impetuous, talkative, tactless, and forthright

but I have never been described as stagnant....

I was talking to a friend about why people stay in relationships that are stagnant, unequally yoked or just plain old toxic. He descibed it as the "devil you know" theory.

Some people are unhappy but comfortable with the "devil they know". They argue, they fuss and they fight about any and every thing but they figure it may be the same or worse with someone else.
"Better the devil you know than the devil you don't know."

I call b.s. You would rather stay unhappy in an unhealthy relationship than grow and move on and possibly find happiness with someone else? Just because you have been with someone for x number of years doesn't mean that that they were good years, it just means that for whatever reason you did not move on when you realized that it was going south. I think that sometimes our minds trick us into believing that something is normal until something clicks and we realize that we don't have to live that way. If I only grew up eating dirt and then someone offers me bacon and I taste it and love it, then my mind is like "Well why the heck was I eating dirt all of those years?!?" #MindBlown #BaconAnalogiesAmuseMe

If you get used to being abused, mistreated, mishandled, you begin to think that's normal. Yes we have challenges in relationships but if you are disrespected, unfulfilled, beaten down, depressed, or afraid of your partner, I am here to tell you that we are not supposed to live our life that way. Love does not feel like that. Fear feels like that. 
But sometimes we stay in relationships because we think that we don't deserve better, that we won't receive better. We are afraid of being alone. But if being alone means having peace of mind and even the possibility of being happy with someone else then how could you not risk it? If you truly believe that you are deserving of more than you are receiving, what are you doing to change that?
Peplum top: Zara
Pants: Zara
Clutch: Rummage Sale
Bracelets: Forever 21 / InPink
Jacket (seen below): Thrifted

It's hard leaving a relationship. It's even harder not to go back. And it's even harder still being alone in the meantime. But use that time to work on you. To figure out what the breakdown in the relationship was (because no one is blameless) and how you can do better the next time. And how do I know? Because I've been there....

“Be not afraid of growing slowly. Be only afraid of standing still.” - Chinese Proverb

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline."
~ 2 Timothy 1:7


Ninah said...

Amen! And love I love your hair. Very becoming!

Carsedra McKoy said...

First I love, love this look and that clutch is fab!!

I feel you on the relationship thing.......KNOW YOU DESERVE AND WANT BETTER!!! If you have to be by yourself until better comes along then do that!! Your peace of mind and safety have to come before you just wanting someone in your life!! Shoot my life is too precious to me to allow some fool to come run all up and through it and make me unhappy!!! I learned that lesson when I was younger with my first real relationship and it took just that one time!!

Carsedra of:



NaturallyFashionable said...

Love this look!

LV said...

I love that peplum top. You look gorgeous!

Serenity3-0 said...

This post is just everything I needed to read today. Thank you!

YaYa said...

Love that clutch

melissa ward said...

Well Said !!!! loving this look doll

Tammie said...

Amen...I Hate being alone. But ironically it has made me cautious of who I spend time with.

Huda Ahmed said...

Couldn't agree with you more, very empowering message. You should be a relationship therapist. I'm a firm believer that no one should lose their dignity over someone. Either love with your self-esteem in tow or lose that certain someone out of your life.

Rehan Ahmed said...
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Dawn Abbott said...

lovely and nice fashion...
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