Monday, January 21, 2013

Lowered Expectations

I recently said to someone that I don't want to live a life of lowered expectations. Expecting that people can't be what you need them to be. I don't want to expect less of people in both friendships and romantic relationships.

I must admit that I am getting tired though...

Vest (1st pic): Old Navy
Boys plaid shirt: GapKids (thrifted)
Pearls: Forever 21
Belt: Thrifted
Jeans: Mango
Bag: Zara
Boots: Juicy Couture

I am tired of trying to give my best to everyone and getting less in return. Of feeling that people who don't deserve it, who constantly wreak havoc; win. My prayer is to be a blessing to others, to always give my best but it's getting harder and harder to pray that prayer when people continue to disappoint you.

I was hoping to regroup and keep it trucking like I normally do but I'm am very afraid that the fight is leaving me. I recently completed a seven day fast hoping that would help but now that it's over I still feel drained.

I know that this too shall pass, I just haven't found the resilience that's always been there before....

Coincidentally I just found this article on How to Stay Positive in Challenging Times, I'm going to try the tips provided. 

What do you do to stay positive? To regain your resilience?


Kahleel Hamilton said...

It is a challenge not to allow the disappointment to take a toll on us, but it's important to remember that people disappoint because of our sinful nature. We make a lot of mistakes and we mess up constantly and hurt others sometimes without realizing or meaning to.
The only person we should put that much hope/ faith in is God.
This is what helps me not get jaded or give up on people.
Best wishes

Tavia Mac said...

Loving this outfit. I love the fit of your jeans...fabulous! I have that vest. Thanks for giving me an idea as to another way to style it. You always inspire me.

Now as far as staying positive...I do most of the suggested tips with a highlight on #4 - Surrounding myself with positive people. It is amazing how well that works. You really do feed off of other's energy, negative and positive. When faced with difficult situations, I force myself to think of the worst thing that can happen. How ironic is that? What that does is allow me to prepare for the worst and then expect the best. I get the worst out the way so that I can focus on the positives. The funny part is I challenge myself to find a positive in the worst case scenerio and most of the time I can! But most of all I pray...I can't say enough for that.

Wishing you well. You are right, this too shall pass.


Ticka said...

Love the casual, cute outfit! Those jeans fit you like YES MA'AM & the pearls were an excellent addition!!

I don't allow my self to sulk for long. I take a moment to be in my feelings so to speak, then like Tavia, I force myself out of it by knowing that things could always be worse. But in addition to that, I also have to make sure that I'm constantly aware of and thankful for all of the wonderfully positive things and people that I DO have in my life. That combination always helps me. =D

I hope you feel better soon.

theurbanemaven said...

LOVE! The juxposition of the pearls, denim, plaid, and leather...

Sing of Sing'ature Style said...

Those jeans look awesome on you.

Claudeen Hudson said...

I just love your blog. You always had a good read. To keep my resilience I just think about all the stuff that I have been through and yet I am still standing. Keep your head up

Tracey Crockett said...

Love, love this outfit. The pearls and leather really did it for me!

This article hit home. I've learned that if I don't have expectations of others and only of myself I don't feel the hurt as much. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I don't expect the best from them but I don't put it out there nor do I tell them what I expect any more. Expectations of another person set you up for hurt, frustration, and the like. It's hard not to expect things from others, but I'm learning to either accept what's given or just walk away. Mostly I'm walking away, and that's not a bad thing. It's teaching me to not lower my standards and to only surround myself with things and people that bring positive vibe into my life.

Prayer and staying focused on God is also my go to. Girl, I pray ALL DAY dealing with folk and that in and of itself helps me tremendously.

As you said, this too shall pass. You'll get your resilience back, but you have to get through this too. There's a lesson for you; you've just got to find it and embrace it.

keiranzma said...

You look AMAZE! Unfortunately, I've had to employ the method you discussed first, if for no other reason than to maintain my sanity. I try take people (especially mere acquantainces/randoms) at face value. I meet them where they are, so when they act in a way that is disappointing to me, I don't stress it because I didn't expect more of them, anyway. The rub is, if they continue to do it, I politely escort them out of my life. Just like they have an absolute choice to behave in a hurtful or disappointing manner towards me, I have an absolute choice NOT to tolerate it. As far as my close friends and loved ones, I DO expect a lot from them. I hold my 8 year old and my husband to a high standard, as they do me. If they fall short, I am patient and forgiving, as they are with me when I fall short. In terms of staying positive, I take time out every single day to remind myself of all for which I have to be thankful. That helps, a lot. And I pray. Because it changes things.

Ms. Tee said...

Stay encouraged, Hun. Focus on YOU-your career, your personal goals, your happiness...give your time, talent and treasure in other ways that may be more rewarding, i.e., volunteer work in an area of interest. Everything else will come on God's time and those who are meant to be on your life will realize what a treasure they have in you!

Love the plaid shirt with the dressy look!

Simplybee said...

Girl it's hard to stay resilIence.. I expect folks to be just as good to me as I am to them & when it doesn't happen I fall into a somber spirit. I try to remain faithful It's hard but I will continue to push forward! We luv you sis you just like our playcuzins!
BTW you look fab! Luv the plaid & pearls!
& thanks for article tips!

Ak Yasmine said...

u're gorgeous!!

Tammie said...

Right now I give to myself the most. But I had a problem with giving too much of myself to toxic people, so I had to reevaluate those relationships and move on. I try to stay more intuned to my discernments of people. That's how I know when to give. In a perfect world you should be able to give of yourself freely, but I've learned I have to be a good steward of what I choose to give...How can a I do so if I'm not taken care of first?

MissKroberts said...

I the how candid you are in this post! I know i'm late but I KNOW how you feel. Maybe it's something in the "universe" right now, but I am thinking the same way. I am fasting and have really been thinking about how i'm tired of being the "do-gooder" and not getting anything in return. Though I don't do thinks for that reason it would be nice to sometimes see someone come through and be down for me for a change. I am continuing to fast and pray and trust that, this too shall pass. It's gotta. It's Gods promise.



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