Thursday, March 14, 2013

Not These Panny Drawers

Let's say I have a friend named Cherie Merie. And Merie had a friend named Raheem (not his real name. For real.) Raheem said that he met me years ago (I don't recall meeting him) and he had asked Merie about me but I had a boyfriend so nothing ever came of it. Until now....
Merie/Cherie posted an old photo on Facebook recently of when she had a photoshoot for her earring and tee shirt line and Raheem commented on it asking about who I was (even though he knew who I was.) So Cherie, I mean Merie tagged me in the post so that I could see who was putting it all out there. I thanked Raheem and he promptly sent me a message and a friend request asking me out for drinks or lunch. He was forward and funny and I liked that. Now ordinarily I would be leery about this interaction but since he knew my friend I thought I would give it a shot. 

Fast forward. We met for dinner the next day. He was late but that was no biggie but then he showed up looking like he swallowed a watermelon. Ok, two watermelons. Now I ain't saying you gotta be all that and a bag of chips but if I go to the gym and work out I think you should at least look like you are working out something else besides your arms. 
But, ok, I thought, that's changeable. Not a dealbreaker. 
(See how the devil try to trick you?)
  We did have great conversation, we laughed a lot and things were going pretty well but there was one thing that made me pause. Like in the middle of my sentence pause. Now as y'all know I like me some music and the restaturant where we were eating was playing some great music. I mentioned that they were jamming on the one and shimmied my shoulders a little bit and I guess not wanting to be outdone, Raheem looked over his shoulder at his butt and did this:

Y'all. He looked back at it. And booty popped. And he proceeded to do this move two more times while at dinner. I think he was trying to challenge me to a contest. I.have.never.seen.a.guy.(straight guy).do.that.move. Evvvveeeeerrrrrrr. I had to let him know that I hated that particular move. He tried to make a joke of it and said "Everybody loves that move." I told him "No. No one loves that move. They hate it. They all hate it." I  looked him in the eye earnestly and airythang. I was so taken aback. I was looking around the restaurant to see if anyone noticed his moves and wanted to mouth "We are not together." Sigh.

Raheem asked for my email address before we parted ways. He told me that he had something that he wanted to send me. I confirmed the address and he sent this as I was driving home: 

Hey gorgeous, so I am abnormal when it comes to dating. I try to do out of the ordinary. If it is someone I really like...which is rare... I would write something for her afterwards but I had this in mind with you when I Knew we would go out. So the date isn't over and I must say you are as pretty in person as you are in photos. I hope I made you laugh enough to where we can see each other again. "You just so Almondy!"....LOL
Enjoy ma lady because yes you are the PROTOTYPE. 

Raheem
 He also sent a link to Jesse Boykins III cover of Andre 3000's song "The Prototype" and here are some of the lyrics: 

I hope that you're the one
If not, you are the prototype
We'll tiptoe to the sun
And do thangs I know you like
I think I'm in love again

Now I appreciate the effort cuz most guys barely want to take you out these days but I hoped that he didn't mean for me to take the lyrics literally because it was only a first date and the video was a little hard to comprehend. In love? Really? #PeopleBeDoingThat? Is this what's hot in the streets? But again, I rationalized it, saying that Raheem was just trying to make an impression. So I agreed to a second date. 
(Y'all shut up.)
Later in the week Raheem sent this: 
Good evening Juanetta. I know you may be feeling a little under the weather and I was just wanting to send you something to cheer you up. 

Days are long and life's treasures blossom thru our interactions, An enjoyable job has been fulfilled again without any distractions. Quietness and still awaits an empty house entered upon, A healthy meal and a quiet candle lit bathtub enteracts with setting sun. The cool sheets and warm covers wrestle for your attention before you doze off to sleep, happiness sets in for the night and MAYBE YOU'LL DREAM OF ME.

He then sent a link to The Foreign Exchange "Maybe She'll Dream of Me".

Sir. Excuse me sir. You spelled interactions correctly but spelled interact, "enteract"? And you want me to dream of you? Seriously? Now before y'all jump on me and say "But he's trying" I get it. I really do. I said the same thing. I had a long talk with myself. I said "Self, you need to give this man a chance cuz he is really trying here. You said you wanted someone to take you on a real date. So what if he is corny? So what that he has obviously watched Love Jones a few too many times? So what if he didn't spell your name or the word interact correctly, what is wrong with you???"

But yall I couldn't. I just...couldn't. I felt as though everything that he was doing was too calculated, like he sent the same poems and links to videos to everyone. Like his Uncle RayRay told him "Boy, womens like poems and videos, as long as you send'em those, you can get them panny drawers."

And let's not forget the booty pop. I will not forgive the twerking moves.  He looked back at it and popped his booty, yall. If I restrain myself and don't drop it low on a first date I don't think you should either. A girl has to draw the line somewhere....
Earrings: Target
Sweater: H&M
Shirt: Thrifted
Jeans: Ross
Bag: Zara
Shoes: BCBG

So before I could figure out how to let Raheem down gently, he texted me this nugget:
I can see right now I'm gonna have to open up my box of tricks if I wanna make something happen with you.

See yall?!? This solidified for me that he has a "bag (not box) of tricks", that it was all just a ploy!  I did not appreciate that at all, it made me feel that he was insulting my intelligence. So I sent this text:

I think that's the problem. It shouldn't have to be a "bag of tricks". I think that the emails you have sent have seemed forced or that you do this kind of thing for everyone and it all seems too soon. I think that you are a nice guy but I prefer a more organic interaction. I do not like feeling like this is a kind of game or part of your "bag of tricks". Dating should be based on the person that you're with, not a gimmick or something you used with someone else and it worked. Women are not cookie cutter, we shouldn't be treated as such. 

He sent back this response: Understandable. 

And there you have it folks. Was I too harsh? I didn't want to break the man's spirit, I just wanted him to see me for me and not be so.....scheming? And not send songs professing love after one date. I think that some woman may appreciate what he was doing and given up the panny drawers, it just didn't work for me. And I am revising my prayer list, I think that I was not specific enough in my request.

And my friend Cherie, Merie?, (wait, what was her alias name again?), she said that I did the right thing. 
Speak on it, please.

24 comments:

GFS said...

I haven't read past the first sentence and I'm already laughing!!!! You did it! You did it!!!!!!!!!! Lol!!!!!

You look great but now I Gotta go back and read the whole post!!!!

FabEllis | Beauty, Fashion + Natural Hair said...

First of all, you look great! Love the hair and the sweater and shirt combination. Too cute!

Now...

This is hilarious, BUT really, you did the right thing. I would have been weirded out if someone sent me that after the first date, especially if I did have that connection with them already. His response also let you know that you did the right thing. Clowns...

Chiquita Nate' said...

I couldn't date a man that pops it and look back at it! LOL You were VERY nice to go out on the second date.

droyster1219 said...

LOL longtime reader here...I always think If you have to second guess your "gutt reaction" it's already a deal breaker. You would have never taken him serious after that TWERK! Nope *Shakes Head*

Juanette said...

I know! Reiko kept saying "But he booty popped" when I was rationalizing maybe going out with him again. Second date never happened....

Ms.Buki said...

Oh no he didin't?!?! Can't deal with that on any level. A booty pop?? Really?? You did the right thing! Lol.

Love your ensemble. Loving your hair!

laniza said...

Maybe he could be your dance partner in the club?! hahaha :)!

Bahati Belle said...

Girl this post was excellent, after the booty pop I was reading in slow motion. Oh ur the best story teller.

Tyra said...

Bless you for putting up with him AFTER the booty pop...whaaa! No straight man does that :-)

Tammie said...

God must be really setting you up on how not to settle...He builds our character by placing us in situations where we have the opportunity to build strength in areas we need it...Trust me, I know...
Side Note: I'm looking at Scandal as I type and finding out what all the talk is about...

vanessa jackson said...

Love your style and hair first. Now the bootay pop and look back nope definite turn-off and I believe that would have been it for me. But like you I probably would have given it a try. But the emails...I not too long ago had an experience like that and it literally got on my nerves. I had to drop him too and got the same response you did "understandable" but does he really understand. I believe you did the right thing - there has to be chemistry

princess said...

You, my friend, are hilarious! I loves me some you! Honey girl you will know when the time is right to give up them panny drawers!

Hushdatfuss said...

I agree with Tammie...this is a set up for something better. Nothing like wanting to be with someone, but waiting on someone that you don't have to talk yourself into dating. I also think it's funny that his response was just "understandable." Seriously, dude that response is as weak as his bag of tricks. What's sad is that he probably won't stop doing that lame stuff in the future.

Julia Smith said...

Your stories make me laugh so hard sometimes! But, I know what you mean, you did the right thing regarding Raheem.

Dawnya said...

I was done after the booty popping. LOL...chile bye bye. He know that was not the business. Please get real specific in that prayer request.

You did the right thing for Juanette.

Miesha Roshawn said...

I almost just died lmao!!! He's a fool for even trying it! Your sweater is super cute!

sewing said...

You did the right thing! He showed you exactly who he is; Don't second guess it.

Marla

Frugal Fashionista said...

Booty popping and calling you almondy...way too much!

Sajid Khan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sajid Khan said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
YoyosFashions said...

So cute!! Love that bag!!

Ro said...

Iojaofjiosfjiops!!! That was tooo gahtdamn funny…the booty pop the sonnets and the BULLSHIT he TRIED IT!
and here I was about to take that leap and date the FedEx man.
*goes back in my room and gets under the covers*

MrsSaditty said...

I had to delurk to tell you that you almost knocked me clean off the elliptical. Lesson: never read this blog while at the gym.
LOOKING BACK AT IT?
:::::singing:::: he's your QUEEEEN to be...your QUEEEEEEEN to beeeee!

Darlene said...

Serious? Girl is this (?) guy serious? Please! Run to the nearest exit,Run Forrest Run...

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