Tuesday, March 19, 2013

If the Shoe Fits...


Let's talk about these shoes (and my super Vaselined feet, lol).....
Reiko over at God's Favorite Shoes gifted me these sexy Jessica Simpson heels and I am here to tell you that these are NOT God's favorite shoes. These are a product of the devil's handiwork. 
Because they hurt like h-e-double-hockey sticks.

These shoes are so disrespectful and rude. They are like a blind date that shows up with a gold grill who suggests going dutch for an appetizer and a dollar movie. These shoes are like a guy you were dating who lies that he broke up with his ex-girlfriend but then goes on vacation with her.
Dis-re-spect-ful.
(But they look good though, don't they?)


These shoes play too much and I am not here for them. No.bueno.
I had to change my footwear but I figured I would let y'all see the shoes that tried to take me down like Otis from Martin.


The government should forget about waterboarding folks, just have them walk around in these shoes for about 20 minutes and they would get all of the information that they needed. Huck would have been telling it ALL on Scandal if Shonda 'nem had written it into the storyline that he had to wear these babies.


But I do enjoy this skirt. I looked at it, felt its sequined glory....and didn't buy it. I KNOW! And I kept thinking about it until I went back to H&M and lo and behold it was marked down to 50% off! #JuanetteBeWinning 
#ButNotWithTheseShoes
Tee: Target
Skirt: H&M
Bag: Zara
Shoes: Jessica Simpson (I wish I knew the style so I could Google them and see if people have had similar issues.)

I normally don't have an issue wearing heels and I do think that these shoes are sexy but I have to find an alternative that won't make me feel like I've been hobbled like old dude from Misery....

If you see any similar options, help a sister out and let me know, I am in need of a black sandal...

25 comments:

FabEllis | Beauty, Fashion + Natural Hair said...

LMBO! Girl, you are hilarious! I can't do anything, but laugh.

I love the outfit. That skirt is gorgeous!

GFS said...

ISBG! (I swear befo' Gawd!) you are stupid!

Annnnndddd I told you those shoess hated me! I told you that! So now we know they hate you too!

Those shoes instantly make you feel like somebody put a hit out on you right?


And you look amazing!

Zara said...

You are one funny (and slightly greasy (just this post))woman! And please stop talking about Huck. You know he scurred of da water! LOL! I love you and your blog!

Juanette said...

Lol at slightly greasy Zara!!!!! Yes! #SadButTrue

droyster1219 said...

Yes,they look great but I understand the "cringe" factor. I've noticed that shoes which shift most of your weight to the ball of your foot, and then thrusts your foot into straps hurt like hell. That combined with a thin sole is a recipe for disaster. Definetly car to place shoes. LOL

Armanda said...

Lol! This post is hilarious. I love the skirt and even more at 50% off. I never seem to find shoes that shape that don't hurt, I've given up i think.

Anonymous said...

Is that the mini or large size bag from Zara? I love it!

Juanette said...

Hey Anon, it is the large bag, I didn't think the mini was going to be substantial enough, lol.

Jazmine Jade said...

Girl!!! I was laughing so hard at your ass I done bit my tongue! That mess hurts! Lol! Love that skirt too!

Miesha Roshawn said...

You are hilarious!!!! Damn those shoes!!!! That skirt is everything!!! I think I'm going to find fabric and make one :))

melissa ward said...

Very funny post lol..... I def feel your pain , but u still look amazing

Tammie said...

Beautiful! Love the way you dressed the sequins in the skirt down!!!!!

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Serene McEntyre said...

LOL great post!! They are beautiful, but I'm only willing to subject myself to a certain amount of pain to wear pretty shoes!! Love your hash tags at the end!! Serene

YoyosFashions said...

Lol! You are hilarious! Love this look! That skirt is everything! Love the color!

Ms. Tee said...

You are so funny! You have punch lines running all up and through this post! Sorry your shoes hurt. The only Jessica Simpson shoes I've had we're wedges. They were comfy and super cute...then started to tear at the seam :(

LOVE that skirt!

Anonymous said...

I have been browsing online more than 3 hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like
yours. It's pretty worth enough for me. In my view, if all web owners and bloggers made good content as you did, the internet will be a lot more useful than ever before.

my site coffee bean reviews

Fatinthecity said...

Girl you are killing me . Classic lines , “ gold grill” Otis from Martin”, scandal and to top off Vaseline feet. Lord have mercy! That skirt is everything.

www.fatinthecity.com

Huda Ahmed said...

lmoooo, I never tire of reading your hilarious posts.

As someone who avoids heels as much as possible, I would still buy one that looked like these sexy pair.

Kstylick said...

You really have a nice blog to visit with. Maybe we could follow each other on Bloglovin and/or GFC?

Please leave me a comment on my blog and I will follow you!

http://kstylick.blogspot.com

Ms.Buki said...

You are just too funny!

Anonymous said...

I laughed so hard i almost pee'd my pants - I too, have had shoes that hurt like that - personally appreciated your breakdown of the hurt and pain! chil' make you wanna holla - but all in all, dem hurting shoes was the bomb and the skirt was fab buh lus - I need that sparkly in my life

Chilel said...

You killed me with that Huck wearing these shoes instead of being waterboarded. I love me some scandal and I got the message with that example. I do love the shoes though and that skirt is to die for. I would have dashed to H&M to get it except here in India, they do not have it...Boohoo! Loving your hair these days. WHat do you do to it?

tanu sharma said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

LOL Love that outfit too! BTW, these gel pads from CVS have saved me many times. They're way better than Dr. Scolls: www.cvs.com/shop/product-detail/CVS-Ball-of-Foot-Cushion-for-Women-One-Size-Fits-All?skuId=789275
(Sorry if link posting violates!)

ShareThis

LinkWithin

Blog Widget by LinkWithin