Sunday, July 19, 2015

Final Exam

Now as y'all know, I have had some peculiar meetings/dates in the past (see here, here, and here for reference.) So I have decided that I am going to start my own business. I'm gonna interview all potential dudes who want to date women and do an appraisal. I will take out all of the guesswork so you won't have to endure a date with a don't. Hmmm, catchy, maybe I can call it Don't Date A Don't?

It's gone be three phases to this undertaking. 

Phase 1: Reading and writing: In order to move on to Phase 2 in the process, the gentlemen will have to answer such questions such as 1.What is the plural form of foot? 2. What is the contraction for 'they are' and 3. Write the word that means "to engage in conversation". If they answer feets, their or there, or God forbid conversate, sir, you will get all the negatives and you must go directly back to school. I'm gonna assume the first go round didn't stick.

Short romper: H&M
Clutch: DSW
Shoes: Gianni Bini

Phase 2: Reference Check. You must provide the contact information of at least 3 people that will vouch for your date/relationship readiness: Your employer (if you do not have an employer ixnay on the atingday ingthay.) A platonic friend - platonic meaning you have never engaged in "relations" with one another and the last being an ex-wife or ex-girlfriend. If you are not friendly with at least one of your exes, then #Sorry #NotSorry #ThankYouForPlaying #YoureAnAHole. 

*We will not accept yo mama nem because they always think their child is the bee's knees and no play cousins or play sisters cuz, well, I don't trust that, they might be the type to let you bring the side chick to their house.  

We will also be able to check your call history/text messages for 
relationship consistency with the ex. 

Okay, so if they have mastered Phases 1 and 2, then they are able to move to Phase 3: The interview. Why do you want this job  date? What qualifications do you possess? And then we will conduct a mock conversation. Unfortunately, some men are oblivious to the fact that women are not melting that you are calling them beautiful or sexy (so cliche), that you are interested in couponing, or that you are in need of new curtains.....huh?...what? 
Oh I'm sorry I dozed off cuz that is some Boring Azz Shiznit right there. 

Bottom line, I really wish people would stop applying for jobs that they are 
obviously unqualified for....i.e. middle school graduates applying for masters level occupations. #ThisAintTheJobForYouBooBoo
"Don't Date A Don't - We Rendezvous Before You Do"
Now don't go stealing my million dollar idea, just send some clients my way....


Kandi said...

LOL! Fun-nay. Cute romper.

Ms. Tee said...

Love it! Sounds like a profitable business...would definitely make for good reality TV!

antonia craig said...

ummm this is brilliant, what are you waiting for?

Anonymous said...

I can't stop laughing!!!!

They're, their, there

Elaine Fontenot said...

You said a mouthful!

Kstylick said...

Hi there my dear! I just want to ask if we can follow each other on GFC?

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hellen said...

you look awesome. too cute

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